Why won't he eat for me?!

I don't understand. This baby will not eat for his Mama. He will eat well for my husband at least for lunch and dinner, but for me he won't eat a decent meal. He cries for the bottle and of course I give up and give it to him. Joshua literally cries like he's in pain or I'm beating him. He turns away from the spoon and will sometimes smack it! I've poked him accidentally in the eye twice with a food laden spoon, trying to get him to eat. I pray this is a phase that will end soon. So I make a bottle smoothie....yogurt, cereal and fruit and mix it with formula. He sucks it down and I feel confident that he at least got a balanced meal that way.

On another note, he and I have recreated our bond. At times we just stare at each other and smile. He'll lay some wet kisses on me and it does a mother's heart good. I feel no matter how stressed I am with life, all is good when I look at my baby.

Moxie 2,3,4

On another note! I lurk blogs all the time and when I find one I really like.....rare, I keep going back. Well, Ms. Moksie whom is not an expert on children/babies sure has some good advice. She explains how babies tend to sleep in a 2,3,4 pattern. After they wake in the morning, they tend to go to sleep 2 hours after that. Upon waking from that morning nap, they will go down for another nap in 3 hours and then 4 hours after awaking from that nap in which they are down for the night. Joshua never followed that pattern with my husband. Don't get me wrong, my husband is VERY good with him, but many times did not pick up on Josh's cues. Today with me he followed that pattern to a T! Check Moksie out if you have time. http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/

Trials, tribulations, torential rains....

Finally, my hubby is back to work...hallelujah! Started the new job today. Of all days, the worst rain we've had in a while. I'm telling you just when you thought it would stop, it'd start right back up again. But he got out bright and early for the new grind. Problem is it's not what he or I expected but it's beats a blank ( more on that later). So Joshie and Mama are back together again without Dada on my days off. It was a lovely day together and we rekindled our 'alone' relationship. Things have changed and I've got to get him on a good day schedule again. My husband did things his way that I didn't all together agree with. Anyhoo, when you're working and he's home with the kid, what can a woman do...cope. In my eyes, I had to chose a bigger battle, 'get a damn job'. And I waved the white flag on decisions made for Joshua while he was out of work and posing as a poor attempt at Mr. Mom.

But new problems have arisen. I have no idea why this boy puts up a fuss at meal times. Even when he's hungry, there is always a cry, a moan or some kind of fuss. I don't understand. This never happened before. The last month or two, getting him to just eat is a chore. Then he cries for his bottle as if taking food by mouth causes him pain. Ok he is teething and has two teeth on the bottom that have come to head but this is ridiculous. When I eat, he loves to eat my food. Even after he's had a meal and a botttle he'll fight me to get to my food. I really need guidance here on getting him to eat better. Now he eats a lil' better for Joe. But it still consists of whines and cries. This is a short synopsis of how mealtime goes down.

• Into the high chair.......fuss and whine
• Put on the bib.....cries louder and starts to break tears.
• We hurriedly open jars of food and dip spoon in.
• Spoon to mouth and a few spoons later...more cries.
• Halfway through the meal, writhing around in highchair, thrashing back and forth, refusing to take anymore food, red-faced, crying like I'm beating him (neighbors probably think I am).
• I give up and start to make a bottle cause forcing food down his throat between gasps is just beyond what make heart can take.

And this is how it goes. Another thing, if both of us are in the kitchen when the meal starts..he's distracted and won't eat. He will start to cry for the other 'non-feeding' parent. I mean this is too much. I wish I could read this kids mind. Heeeeelp!

Crawling already

I love the movie Beloved and when I see Josh already getting around on hands and knees I think of when the character Baby Sug looks at her grandchild and says, "Look at you..'crawlin' already'..haha" and laughs. It tickles me to see my baby moving around. And at the same time makes me a little melancholy, because that means he's growing too fast. I'm not going to miss nursing him every two hours, oh no! Although the bonding and that feeling of nourishing my child is wonderful. But I'm going to miss his first months when he relied on Mama for every little thing. I put him down on the floor and he just goes! He's got two speeds, nice and steady and fifth gear where he's trying to get at the cat or get a toy he's spotted. And when he's all tuckered out he raises up one arm and reaches out if to say, "Mama pick me up, I'm tired, I need you now."

Morning rush

Two shifts of 12-13 hours in a row and I'm beat. I'm hanging on a string posting this but I'm trying to dedicate myself to this blog. I would love for Joshua to read this someday. The first 7 months of his life he'll have to refer to his baby book. I did keep that up with pics and events, along with "our accounts" via letters to him.

Nursing is a tough job, with little gratitude. I can say that labor and delivery has many rewards though. Last night was quiet, probably due to the ridiculous heat and humidity. But that will catch up to us soon enough. Young mothers never hydrate their bodies enough during the summer. Thhe next thing you know they're crowding our unit with complaints of nausea, vomiting and contractions from dehydration. I rush home every morning to spend my last waking moments playing and kissing up Josh. I do this until I get drowsy and can no longer hold him, then I hit the sack hard. This morning he beat me to the sand man's dust. As I type he lay here in my arms knocked out cold, mouth open. Good way to put him down for his morning nap is to play a mix of "kiddie" songs I compiled on my iPod. He rocks and dancing until he begins to nod off. He loves his music. I play everything from Disney and reggae to gospel and jazz. He loves the hamster song, as well as ANYTHING from the Backyardigans. I love them myself. And the thought that a sistah created that show tickles me and makes me proud....great show.

Well I'm going to lay him and I down! And what a nice day to sleep, nice and gray outside, 60% chance of thunderstorms. What do I care how bad the weather is while I sleep, as long as it's sunny when I wake...hahaha. Rain makes for deep and rejuvenating rest.

The Fight for S...L..E...E...P!

Yes, at 8 months the boy still gets up at night. Last night I stopped counting after three times. For whatever reason, the nights I am at home (cause I work nights) his sleep pattern sucks. I asked Joe to lower the crib mattress at it's lowest point because he's pulling up on things and standing. The last thing I want is to hear a thud in the night cause the boy tried to climb out of his crib to get to us. So he does it and what happens early this morning? We hear crying, Joe gets up to get him and he's standing up holding onto the side of the crib looking around. YIKES!

Anyhoo, I usually come home around 8am and ask my same questions, "how'd he sleep?, " how'd he eat?", "did he get a bath?", "was he in his crib all night?" Usually three out of four yeses are good but when I'm home..the baby acts out. Maybe he misses his Mama and just wants to sleep with me? I don't know, but he also eats horribly. I'm starting to get jealous of the fact that he's more cooperative for my husband. But of course, he spends more time with him since he's been home....expected. He still cries for me and tries to crawl to me if I'm in the next room.

On another note, I'm exhausted, all the time. I really need to make an appointment for an internal medicine physician and just have an overall checkup. I just don't feel good. I'm a clean freak by nature and the thought of cleaning house and making an attempt at doing it is impossible. I attribute it to extra weight I have yet to lose from the pregnancy (let's say 40 pounds okay). And the fact that I work un-Godly hours...night shift. It just isn't natural especially for me. But I'm doing it right now because it works for our family. When Joe gets another job we'll go right back to our usually schedule. So switching to a day position would not make sense to do. I don't know. I ordered some DVD's for this new craze called Zumba. I love to dance so dancing to get fit only seems like the best way to lose weight, have fun and not loathe working out. We will see how great this new Zumba thing is.....salsa, merengue, cha cha while getting in shape.

It's been a long time...shouldn't have left you...

But this is what I left you for. I love journaling but nothing takes the place of my son. He's 8 months now and a force to be reckoned with. This is the happiest most social baby. Everyone seems to think so and fall in love with him automatically.

I've been busy! Sorry. Not like I have any readers. This blog is more for my own venting and if I happen to get someone to read my ranting,...then fine. I do more reading myself of other blogs...a few on my side bar if interested.

But back to Joshua. Born on Halloween 2006, 5 min. before midnight. He was determined to be a Halloween baby. And Lord knows I couldn't hold back the pushing...I wanted this boy out! My Mom threatened him with a spanking if he didn't get out! Well, 16 hours of labor and my precious lil' man was here. It's all a blur now and I'm ready for another baby. Yeah...that's right. But my plan of having a girl two years apart from Joshua may have to wait. The thought of two in diapers, scary. Not only that, with Joe not working and looking for a new job, money is tight. I can't do it by myself and overtime is wearing me down. If I had a choice I wouldn't work at all. Who'dve thunk, two degrees under my belt, Ms. " I can do it myself" wanting to be a stay at home Mom. YUP!! A little being that looks like you can change your whole perspective on life. I'm trying to create a world that if I die, my child will be safe in. SIGH....deep.