Sleep wonderful sleep

He slept through the night last night! Ya heard it hear first. One waking at 11pm in which I refused to go in and see what's the matter. I laid down the law with hubby and told him don't even think about going in there. Josh cried for about 6 minutes and went back to sleep on his own. My dumb ass kept waking up checking on him to make sure the boy was still alive cause I couldn't believe he was still asleep in his crib. Finally after 1am it was sleep I haven't had in a long time. Woo Hoooooo! Now I know what it feels like again. I pray that he does the same thing tonight.

On another note, has anyone every watched children's television. You know, shows are just not what they used to be when I was growing up. Seriously, another blogster brought this subject up and it made me think about my childhood. I watched the classics, Sesame Street, Zoom, New Zoo Review, Mr. Rogers, Electric Co. (which always followed Sesame Street and where you know who got his start in TV) and these were great shows. Now....what do we have now...Sponge Bob...ick, Barney...never let Josh watch it, and everything is vulgar and rude, from boogers to farts. We tend to lean towards Backyardigans which was created by a sistah, love it! Also all of the shows on Noggin we like. Joshua will stop dead in his tracks when he hears certain theme songs, Dora, Diego, Blues Clues and the hip Backyardigans. I can see that TV is going to be a big issue in our house. Oh yeah and parental control, gotta figure out how to work it on the remote cause I haven't got a clue.

Jazz Baby

I posted these pics the other day in hopes of getting a chance to type an entry but it never happened. Well here I am days later finally doing it.

Joshua had his second jazz festival experience this past weekend at the cd101.9 Liberty Jazz Festival and it was hotter than Hades! I think the temp with the humidity reached at least 94. And of course I was post-12 hour shift and hadn't slept since the day before. But anyway, this child loves his music. If he wasn't cooing and humming to the music he was rocking and trying to snap those fat little fingers to the beat. We had a lovely two days in Jersey City State Park with a backside (literally) view of the the lovely green lady (Statue of Liberty). At sundown her torch lights and the back drop of the NYC skyline is gorgeous. I still miss the site of the twin towers overseeing the city. I get misty cause the skyline just doesn't seem right without it. I thank God all my family in New York that lives or works there survived 9/11 and I pray that the Lord gives the families who lost, the strength to go on.

Thank You Lord

I think we've finally gotten over this cold/respiratory thing. For the last week and a half, a mild summer cold had turned into an upper respiratory disaster. Josh became more and more miserable until finally the doc visit and then he hit the basement in health. Why the hell is that? Possibly his fragile immune system just picked up more nasty germs in the doctor's office. I don't know. But my child had a temp of 102 and was extremely lethargic. He wasn't himself at all! It was the scariest moment I've ever had with him yet. All he wanted to do was sit in my lap and put his little head on my chest. His breathing was labored and he just looked exhausted from trying.

So, of course I did everything in my power and training to make him feel better. At any point if his temp went up a half a degree I was taking him to the ER. But it never did. I know in my heart of hearts the first thing any parent would do is run to the ER. But, as a nurse I know the parameters of what is considered a pediatric emergency and what's not. Unfortunately after auscultating his lungs and taking his vital signs myself, Joshua's case would find us sitting in a germy ER, then getting sent home with nothing but pats on the back and "see your pediatrician in the morning 'shpiel' (sp?)" So, I sat in our small closet of a bathroom with the shower on hot, sitting on the 'john' with Joshua in my arms and telling him to "breathe baby, breathe in the steam, Lord God help my baby". Gave him the Albuterol medicine and a dose of tylenol and watched him, all night long. The next morning, no fever and he was in better spirits. Gradually as the day pressed on, the sick Joshua melted away and the smiley, playful baby reappeared. The day after that, himself again. At breakfast he vomited a wad of mucous. Wonder where all that phlegm they swallow goes? Now you know, loose stools and vomit. Oh, trust me, I'm not done watching him like a Mama hawk.

So two days of calling out from work and many nights of lost sleep, tossing and turning, coughing and gagging, here we are. I pray this is the end!

10 months today

To my Joshua,

My, my baby have you grown! You are starting to look like a little boy now instead of a babe. I can almost see you at age 5 and it makes Mama want to cry. I'm so pround of you and so is Dada. This year has almost been a blur. You've hit every milestone with ease except for sleeping through the night. But it seems like you've joined the club of many babies that don't sleep through in your generation. So Mama isn't worried, that night will soon come. Two more months until your birthday. I'd repeat that day ten times over to have you and we're blessed God chose us to be your parents.

Well, the peds. visit went okay. We had to wait a little while which we aren't used to because it was an urgent/sick visit so we were squeezed in appointments. Josh got restless in the waiting room and fell in love with an older woman (little girl about 16 months old). He insisted on touching her and I mentioned to the father that he is sick and it wasn't a good idea. They were drawn to each other as most children/babies are.

Finally in the exam room, right away after listening to his lungs the doc said he was wheezing. My heart dropped and right away I though, 'he is going to have asthma like me!" I'm hoping this is something that'll go away but asthma is hereditary. And why does it seem like African American's tend to have it? I remember a study done years ago about low-income families living in the projects and the corelation with roaches. For lack of better words, WE AIN'T GOT NO ROACHES! It pisses me off because despite the diet, the care, he still may get asthma.

So, the doctor prescribes Albuterol liquid which I know right away will help him but one of the side effects is jitteriness, tachycardia and for kids that recipe is bouncing off the walls. Josh didn't sleep until 10pm. About an hour an a half later than his usual bedtime. I'm thinking he'll sleep late...not this kid. He's up 6:30-7:00am like clock work, with three times waking up during the night. I want him to cry himself to sleep but my husband gets up with one little "ahhh" from Joshua. I urged him to let him cry, we've done everything else BUT Ferberize this kid, it's the last resort but he won't stick to it. I work nights and I know when he's home at night with him he doesn't let him cry. This should have been part of yesterday's 'pepa vent' too. But anyhoo, my gut feelings about this cold rang true. I can only hope that it ends here and not with another visit. I'm not looking forward to dealing with asthma if that's what it is.

Sigh pics

My husband knows nothing...(peppa vent)

about this blog...HA! I mentioned it to him some time ago. But my husband's interest when he sits down in front of the computer is graphic design. He'll spend HOURS...on a project in Photoshop or designing new t-shirts. Do you think he'd want to know what his wife is saying about his fam on the internet...nah! I could call him a one eyed purple puking people eater and he'd never know the difference. That goes to show that opposites sometimes don't attract. Joe and I are like day and night in a lot of aspects. Yet we are both creative with our hands, me more on the tactile side of crafts, knitting, card making, cooking, gardening. He's more of a graphic and drawing creativity. Although I draw a little myself..no where near as good as my other half. I'm telling you, if he shows me another black superhero he's thunk up (yeah thunk), I'll scream. How bout drawing your beautiful wife as a superhero....stop laughing at me yall.

Too many days I've felt like, like, like MultiTask Wooooman! I've got gatchets, pda, cell phone, coffee maker, wipes warmer and diaper dispenser all on my trusty belt. At night I shut down and become SEXY MILF Woooman! Sidebar: I've always hated the term MILF, it's not cute at all but in this entry I use it as such. But I'd never want to be called that by anyone! But you get the picture. And some nights I'm CryoMom, I sleep through baby cries, hubby snores and cat-capades (we have a cat that has spastic rantings from time to time, running and seemingly jumping off the walls to exert her energy) because if I don't I'll have a heart attack and die from exhaustion.

But Joe, my spouse, partner, love sometimes misses the point. So I yell it. Nuff said.

YES! YES! YES!

As you can see from the title I'm quite happy today. For the past week Joshua has been eating like a champ. Yes, you heard it hear first. We've made it throught the storm. I still can't tell you what was going on with his appetite. I do have to say that for the past week he has had the worst cold ever. Symptoms: runny and slimy gook from the nose, drooling profusely, coughing-but with productive tones to it and no fever. I've been giving him Infant Tylenol cold Plus and it's been expectorating the mucous but due to him having no fever I've been hopeful and assured that it isn't an infection. Actually, I've been waiting for the fever so I could make the appointment with the doc...but nothing. His spirits are high and he plays normally so I haven't been overly worried. If it doesn't settle down by this week I'll call her up and take him in for an exam.

On the teething front, he's got another upper central incisor coming through in the front next to the other one. And low and behold it looks like he'll have the diastema or space in front like his Mama. I was hoping he had teeth like his Dada but because he's a boy it'll probably look good on him and be a defining trait. I grew to hate my space and then at times I like it. On my many travels to Jamaica, it's a feature that men there tend to find attractive in a woman. But here in the states it's always ugly and negative. Well, still too early to tell what his permanent teeth will be like, I can only hope he has a better history with the dentist than I did.

What's in the milk man?

Again, we are confronted with more food issues. The struggle continues with getting Joshua to eat as well as he used to. Each meal is a surprise whether we'll get cooperation from him or a tantrum. We've removed the high chair table to prevent feelings of confinement. I've pushed the high chair up to the table so he feels like a big boy. Joe has even put him on his lap to get him to eat better. I believe it's beyond teething that's the problem.

Furthermore, I've changed milk formula this week. The nursing ended at around 6 months. Joshua just stopped wanting the breast and my production slowed down. So prior to this any supplementing we used Enfamil Lipil. Never had any stomach problems and he never was the throwing up type. It worked so we stuck to it. Well, I switched to the formula for older babiew Enfamil Lipil Next Step. He drinks it down like the other milk but I've noticed his stools have been smellier and looser, with even a lighter color! I'm wondering if the higher iron content is causing the problem. Usually it'll make the stools tighter rather than loose but in Joshua it's done the opposite. Also he's had a nasty cold with coughing and a runny nose, no fever. So the combination of the two may be causing the loose bowel movements. Other than that he's a happy baby. Activity hasn't changed and he crawls around more and more each day.
I'll have to keep investigating before I finally decide to take him back to the pediatrician.

Speaking of the pediatrician, one of the down sides of being a nurse and the pediatrician knowing it, is that things aren't always explained fully. Now I'm a labor and delivery nurse first, a well baby and post partum nurse second, but I'm NOT a pediatric nurse so I don't know everything about baby development. At times I need a little extra explanation which she fails to do. Last visit, I almost felt rushed. If it happens again, I'll have to let her know my feelings or maybe even change doctors which I'd hate to do because technically she is quite smart. She's young and she keeps up on the latest in child care. But, we'll see.

On a lighter note, I'm still working on my baby's invites to his party. I'm making them myself and it's take longer than I expected. I'm glad I started early. And I've really gone overboard on the pirate theme. Oriental Trading Co. will be getting another big order from me within the next week or two. I want to make sure the house is fully decorated in Halloween and Pirate stuff galore! I think I'm more excited than Joshua (of course he'll probably never remember being so young). But this will be a family tradition, Joshua's big birthday/halloween party! I love it. We must purchase a camcorder. Financially we haven't been able to afford it so a moving cdocumentary of his first months wasn't a possibility, but stills we have plenty. Scrapbooking, card stamping and recording is my passion.

It's Our Anniversary

It's been four years since our marital vows were taken on Sunset Beach in Montego Bay Jamaica. Altogether it's been 7 years together as a couple. I have to say we've had more rough times lately than good. But the best of all is the birth of our little man, our blessing, Joshua Bryce. Somehow no matter what we go through, it all works out in the end. Sometime later rather than sooner but I keep praying for God to guide me. There are aspects in one's life that can't be changed. You decide on what to do about it or just accept things as the way they are. I guess I sound like I'm spitting a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I know there is someone out there that knows what I'm talking about. Will there be another 7 years? If God discerns it, yes. If we discern it, hell yeah.

Movement pics

Mama's Food

Slowly Josh is getting away from his baby food. Unfortunately he wants to be but isn't quite ready for table food. He hasn't mastered the chew up and then swallow concept. Oh, he's ready and willing to eat the good stuff. But, at times will swallow only after two gnaws which is not nearly enough breakdown. It's getting more and more difficult at feeding times. The crying persists and we can't figure it out. The pediatrician recommended that we strap him into the high chair securely and remove the table, thinking he feels restrained. Not working. He still wants to get out of the chair and refuses to eat proper in or out. I have to say that he does get one good hardy meal in a day which makes me feel a little better.

On another subject, this boy is moving and shaking progressively more every day. In addition to a lil' more pep in his crawl, his confidence with standing and pivoting while holding on to something is improving. He'll even let go of one hand. When he realizes that he himself has done something new and big, he'll glance at me and grin the biggest gum-toothed grin. I can only grab him and kiss him up good when he does that....so cute.

And as for the birthday planning, I'm making the invited myself. I love crafts and anything involving handmade items so this is relaxation for me. If I haven't mentioned it in previous posts, it's a pirate paaaarrrrty...arrr arrr arrr. We already have the suit. Yes you read right.

Now for me, off to bed this beautiful sunny morning. Sigh, night shift sucks but it's the sacrifice you make right now.

New Tooth, Tantrums and Crying spells persist

I don't know why but this stent of drama in little Joshua's world isn't coming to an end. Today he went from being happy to crying and thrashing in a matter of minutes. I see a new tooth coming in on the top but he won't let me get near it. In the morning especially he usually has a high temp. Right now, I'm just trying my best to soothe him in anyway that I can. Although I'm hear at work tonight, I was thinking of keeping him home tomorrow to care for him. Don't get me wrong, the sitter is really good with Joshua but nothing compares to Mama. Only problem is trying to stay up after working all night. And at times, he usual long morning naps ends up being a short cat nap. And I need sleep. So, things to consider before I head home in the morning.

His pediatrician appointment last week Wednesday was good. Joshua is now 21 pounds and about 29 1/2 inches long. She claims he is in the 75th percentile for children his age. I would have automatically thought he was up in at least the 90th. Josh is a big baby, so the thought of babies bigger than him.....God bless their parents! But, due to his length, we had to purchase a new car seat. Ended up buying the Britax. Although very expensive, the reviews on every web site and parent guide point right back to it. It's either get a cheap and marginally safe car seat and end up buying a new one in a few months due to weight restrictions or buy the Britax which will carry him all the way to 65 lbs. So we bit the bullet and went with the best. Only the best for my boy.

They say it's my BIRTHDAY!!!!

WOW....34 years old. I can't believe it myself. With each year I realize that birthdays change. The excitement I used to get the night before my birthday...gone. But again, it's a kids holiday. Now if I get calls from family and friends I'm appreciative that they have remembered me. I thank God for allowing me to be in this world another year.

As far as plans....maybe dinner and my brother has invited me roller skating! Haven't been roller skating in years but it's so much fun and I used to be darn good at it. Let's hope it's like riding a bike, cause there's more weight now that I've got to distribute on those little wheels. Just check out the bum in the pic! YIKES.

Why won't he eat for me?!

I don't understand. This baby will not eat for his Mama. He will eat well for my husband at least for lunch and dinner, but for me he won't eat a decent meal. He cries for the bottle and of course I give up and give it to him. Joshua literally cries like he's in pain or I'm beating him. He turns away from the spoon and will sometimes smack it! I've poked him accidentally in the eye twice with a food laden spoon, trying to get him to eat. I pray this is a phase that will end soon. So I make a bottle smoothie....yogurt, cereal and fruit and mix it with formula. He sucks it down and I feel confident that he at least got a balanced meal that way.

On another note, he and I have recreated our bond. At times we just stare at each other and smile. He'll lay some wet kisses on me and it does a mother's heart good. I feel no matter how stressed I am with life, all is good when I look at my baby.

Moxie 2,3,4

On another note! I lurk blogs all the time and when I find one I really like.....rare, I keep going back. Well, Ms. Moksie whom is not an expert on children/babies sure has some good advice. She explains how babies tend to sleep in a 2,3,4 pattern. After they wake in the morning, they tend to go to sleep 2 hours after that. Upon waking from that morning nap, they will go down for another nap in 3 hours and then 4 hours after awaking from that nap in which they are down for the night. Joshua never followed that pattern with my husband. Don't get me wrong, my husband is VERY good with him, but many times did not pick up on Josh's cues. Today with me he followed that pattern to a T! Check Moksie out if you have time. http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/

Trials, tribulations, torential rains....

Finally, my hubby is back to work...hallelujah! Started the new job today. Of all days, the worst rain we've had in a while. I'm telling you just when you thought it would stop, it'd start right back up again. But he got out bright and early for the new grind. Problem is it's not what he or I expected but it's beats a blank ( more on that later). So Joshie and Mama are back together again without Dada on my days off. It was a lovely day together and we rekindled our 'alone' relationship. Things have changed and I've got to get him on a good day schedule again. My husband did things his way that I didn't all together agree with. Anyhoo, when you're working and he's home with the kid, what can a woman do...cope. In my eyes, I had to chose a bigger battle, 'get a damn job'. And I waved the white flag on decisions made for Joshua while he was out of work and posing as a poor attempt at Mr. Mom.

But new problems have arisen. I have no idea why this boy puts up a fuss at meal times. Even when he's hungry, there is always a cry, a moan or some kind of fuss. I don't understand. This never happened before. The last month or two, getting him to just eat is a chore. Then he cries for his bottle as if taking food by mouth causes him pain. Ok he is teething and has two teeth on the bottom that have come to head but this is ridiculous. When I eat, he loves to eat my food. Even after he's had a meal and a botttle he'll fight me to get to my food. I really need guidance here on getting him to eat better. Now he eats a lil' better for Joe. But it still consists of whines and cries. This is a short synopsis of how mealtime goes down.

• Into the high chair.......fuss and whine
• Put on the bib.....cries louder and starts to break tears.
• We hurriedly open jars of food and dip spoon in.
• Spoon to mouth and a few spoons later...more cries.
• Halfway through the meal, writhing around in highchair, thrashing back and forth, refusing to take anymore food, red-faced, crying like I'm beating him (neighbors probably think I am).
• I give up and start to make a bottle cause forcing food down his throat between gasps is just beyond what make heart can take.

And this is how it goes. Another thing, if both of us are in the kitchen when the meal starts..he's distracted and won't eat. He will start to cry for the other 'non-feeding' parent. I mean this is too much. I wish I could read this kids mind. Heeeeelp!

Crawling already

I love the movie Beloved and when I see Josh already getting around on hands and knees I think of when the character Baby Sug looks at her grandchild and says, "Look at you..'crawlin' already'..haha" and laughs. It tickles me to see my baby moving around. And at the same time makes me a little melancholy, because that means he's growing too fast. I'm not going to miss nursing him every two hours, oh no! Although the bonding and that feeling of nourishing my child is wonderful. But I'm going to miss his first months when he relied on Mama for every little thing. I put him down on the floor and he just goes! He's got two speeds, nice and steady and fifth gear where he's trying to get at the cat or get a toy he's spotted. And when he's all tuckered out he raises up one arm and reaches out if to say, "Mama pick me up, I'm tired, I need you now."

Morning rush

Two shifts of 12-13 hours in a row and I'm beat. I'm hanging on a string posting this but I'm trying to dedicate myself to this blog. I would love for Joshua to read this someday. The first 7 months of his life he'll have to refer to his baby book. I did keep that up with pics and events, along with "our accounts" via letters to him.

Nursing is a tough job, with little gratitude. I can say that labor and delivery has many rewards though. Last night was quiet, probably due to the ridiculous heat and humidity. But that will catch up to us soon enough. Young mothers never hydrate their bodies enough during the summer. Thhe next thing you know they're crowding our unit with complaints of nausea, vomiting and contractions from dehydration. I rush home every morning to spend my last waking moments playing and kissing up Josh. I do this until I get drowsy and can no longer hold him, then I hit the sack hard. This morning he beat me to the sand man's dust. As I type he lay here in my arms knocked out cold, mouth open. Good way to put him down for his morning nap is to play a mix of "kiddie" songs I compiled on my iPod. He rocks and dancing until he begins to nod off. He loves his music. I play everything from Disney and reggae to gospel and jazz. He loves the hamster song, as well as ANYTHING from the Backyardigans. I love them myself. And the thought that a sistah created that show tickles me and makes me proud....great show.

Well I'm going to lay him and I down! And what a nice day to sleep, nice and gray outside, 60% chance of thunderstorms. What do I care how bad the weather is while I sleep, as long as it's sunny when I wake...hahaha. Rain makes for deep and rejuvenating rest.

The Fight for S...L..E...E...P!

Yes, at 8 months the boy still gets up at night. Last night I stopped counting after three times. For whatever reason, the nights I am at home (cause I work nights) his sleep pattern sucks. I asked Joe to lower the crib mattress at it's lowest point because he's pulling up on things and standing. The last thing I want is to hear a thud in the night cause the boy tried to climb out of his crib to get to us. So he does it and what happens early this morning? We hear crying, Joe gets up to get him and he's standing up holding onto the side of the crib looking around. YIKES!

Anyhoo, I usually come home around 8am and ask my same questions, "how'd he sleep?, " how'd he eat?", "did he get a bath?", "was he in his crib all night?" Usually three out of four yeses are good but when I'm home..the baby acts out. Maybe he misses his Mama and just wants to sleep with me? I don't know, but he also eats horribly. I'm starting to get jealous of the fact that he's more cooperative for my husband. But of course, he spends more time with him since he's been home....expected. He still cries for me and tries to crawl to me if I'm in the next room.

On another note, I'm exhausted, all the time. I really need to make an appointment for an internal medicine physician and just have an overall checkup. I just don't feel good. I'm a clean freak by nature and the thought of cleaning house and making an attempt at doing it is impossible. I attribute it to extra weight I have yet to lose from the pregnancy (let's say 40 pounds okay). And the fact that I work un-Godly hours...night shift. It just isn't natural especially for me. But I'm doing it right now because it works for our family. When Joe gets another job we'll go right back to our usually schedule. So switching to a day position would not make sense to do. I don't know. I ordered some DVD's for this new craze called Zumba. I love to dance so dancing to get fit only seems like the best way to lose weight, have fun and not loathe working out. We will see how great this new Zumba thing is.....salsa, merengue, cha cha while getting in shape.

It's been a long time...shouldn't have left you...

But this is what I left you for. I love journaling but nothing takes the place of my son. He's 8 months now and a force to be reckoned with. This is the happiest most social baby. Everyone seems to think so and fall in love with him automatically.

I've been busy! Sorry. Not like I have any readers. This blog is more for my own venting and if I happen to get someone to read my ranting,...then fine. I do more reading myself of other blogs...a few on my side bar if interested.

But back to Joshua. Born on Halloween 2006, 5 min. before midnight. He was determined to be a Halloween baby. And Lord knows I couldn't hold back the pushing...I wanted this boy out! My Mom threatened him with a spanking if he didn't get out! Well, 16 hours of labor and my precious lil' man was here. It's all a blur now and I'm ready for another baby. Yeah...that's right. But my plan of having a girl two years apart from Joshua may have to wait. The thought of two in diapers, scary. Not only that, with Joe not working and looking for a new job, money is tight. I can't do it by myself and overtime is wearing me down. If I had a choice I wouldn't work at all. Who'dve thunk, two degrees under my belt, Ms. " I can do it myself" wanting to be a stay at home Mom. YUP!! A little being that looks like you can change your whole perspective on life. I'm trying to create a world that if I die, my child will be safe in. SIGH....deep.